I was listening to the song “Mercy” by Aimee Ann Duffy yesterday and I thought of all the times I have been in love, while the man of my dreams (I thought each time) refused to see me as the woman of their dreams. The story though now looks quite different.
The first guy was in my second class of lyceum and I was about 17. He was my best friend. We talked and talked and talked. And he was a smooth talker and very lovable. I started writing love letters and one day I gave them to him. But, in front of the danger of giving my actual first love kiss I refused him three days after. And it was hard to live on watching him flirting and then making out with a common friend.
I gave my first kiss on the 12 of April in 2004. Almost ten years later, to another smooth talker and my best friend then. How does Kathleen Tessaro puts it; “Triple fucking potato”.
Thank God, I was not really in love with the third guy that I had to see after we broke up. He had such a shallow character that I cried him for one night and then I emasculated him in my mind. Still meet him and still put him in a floral old lady’s dress whenever I see him which is quite often unfortunately.
So what life taught me is this. If he is the man of your dreams, he is going to act like one. Whether you love him or not is irrelevant. Just love yourself first and don’t wait for him to release you. Release yourself.
“I love you
But I gotta stay true
My morals got me on my knees
I’m beggin’ please
Stop playin’ games”